Autistic POV

Autism Diagnosis, Bipolar Misdiagnosis and Podcast Update EP 3

In this episode, I talk a bit about being misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for 20 years, prior to getting my (correct autism diagnosis) and why I've switched gears with the podcast. The memoir I mentioned in the episode is Drama Queen (affiliate link) by Sara Gibbs. 
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Episode 3 Transcript:
(If your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can read the full transcript by viewing this episode at AutisticPOV.com.)
(If your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can read the full transcript by viewing this episode at AutisticPOV.com.)
0:06
Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hi everybody, this is Barbara Graver and I'd like to welcome you to the show. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about late diagnosis and particularly my late diagnosis and
0:32
And you may have noticed that I changed the intro to the show a little bit, and that was because I listened to my first couple episodes, and the first episode was kind of just me talking, and the second episode was more informational. And I thought it's nice to share information,
0:52
but that's not really what I had in mind when I started the podcast. What I had in mind was just sharing my experience, my point of view, hence the name. So I redid the intro to be a little more reflective of that. And I also changed my plans for this episode a little bit too.
1:15
Initially, I was going to present facts and some of my experience, but facts too. And I decided that you guys could get that anywhere. And what I would like to share is my experience. I've been reading a lot of autism memoir and books by autistic writers and one
1:40
thing that I find particularly helpful is when I resonate with something someone says and I never resonate with all of it because we're all different. We're all different people and different people have different issues and different talents and different abilities and different ways of looking at things. But there are commonalities.
2:00
And I think after a lifetime of feeling alienated and alone, when I read something by someone who we share a commonality, it's helpful to me. So that's where I'm going with the podcast. And I wanted to talk just a little bit today about my own diagnosis. I got diagnosed very late in life.
2:25
I grew up in the 60s and 70s when people didn't really even know what autism was and if there was any concept of it at all it was Hans Asperger and his work and the idea that mostly mostly boys were autistic or only boys were
2:45
autistic so there was nothing to fall back on and my parents I think like all parents of that era felt that the best thing they could do for their kid was to make sure you could function in society. And just like everybody else, no matter how hard that was, that really didn't matter.
3:06
They thought they were doing you a favor if they forced you to be able to function as seamlessly as possible in society. So there's a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure to do that. My mother used to make excuses for me.
3:23
She'd say things like I was the youngest kid in the class and I was an only child and these things were supposed to explain some of my problems, but they really didn't. And I got other explanations, too, that were not so positive. And, you know,
3:43
I was often told that I was selfish and uncaring and just like my father who may have been autistic. And I was made to feel very defective growing up. And I tried very, very hard to fit in. And I never really succeeded. And it's kind of funny looking back. I look back and I think,
4:06
grade school was horrible but I think in high school I was actually able to do it I was reading this really really good book by autistic writer and I'll link to it in the comments and she kept talking about her fresh starts like all her fresh starts
4:23
and that was what high school was for me and I turned myself inside out at a very high cost to fit in and quote be popular And it was kind of funny because I actually thought I fooled everyone. And now, looking back, I think popular girls, they get a pretty bad rap, and oftentimes it's deserved.
4:46
But I think looking back on my experience in high school, I think people felt sorry for me. And I think people were, some of the girls I hung out with were just plain gracious about And it wasn't necessarily that I fooled them, but I tried. And the effort, the Herculean effort to do that caused me, I think,
5:09
to have my first probably autistic burnout when I was still in high school. And that was really severe. And there were a lot of other problems that went with that. Maybe I could talk about that at some other time. But I can't say that I knew I was different because
5:25
because I didn't know when I was young that someone could be different. I thought I was just defective. I thought my difference was that I thought life was that hard for everyone. I thought I didn't try hard enough, and I just didn't really understand why things were so hard for me. I thought I was selfish,
5:43
and I thought I was lazy, and I thought I was all kinds of things, but it could have never occurred to me that I was autistic. But I was able to eventually get through college and have a career for a while, even though it was very difficult.
5:59
But I was able to do it for a period of about 13 years. And my self-esteem, I think, was so low because the thing that was hard for me was I knew I was reasonably bright, but yet I made all these terrible mistakes. And the only explanation for that was that I was just being a fool.
6:22
I was just foolish. I was just impulsive, and I was just so many bad things. And I got that feedback consistently probably throughout my life. And eventually I hit a wall. And I had been working as an RN for about 13 years, raising a single family, having meltdowns, like struggling, finding life really, really difficult.
6:51
And finally we had a family tragedy that happened that made life, went from extremely difficult to impossible. It was just impossible for me to cope with this tragedy. And I experienced what I guess would be severe autistic burnout at this point. It was almost like a breakdown. And I just couldn't cope anymore.
7:18
I could not do it anymore. My employer went out of business, and I was glad. I was glad he went out of business because I had to stop. And so I entered the mental health system at that point. And I was told I was bipolar. Like so many people are, I think nowadays.
7:37
And, um, I was put on medication for a time. I was on a lot of medication and it never helped. And I kept telling people it's not helping. And when you tell people that, um, what they tend to do is just put you on more medication. And this was in the early 2000s.
7:58
And autism in women still wasn't really well known at that point. So I don't necessarily blame anyone for that. But I do feel that somebody should have realized that I was not bipolar. And so I ended up on medication. I did go back to work as a nurse. And it was terrible. It was still terrible.
8:19
And I kept telling people the medication isn't helping for a period of about Almost 20 years I told people that, and they basically didn't listen to me. And finally a family member was diagnosed with autism, and as happens to so many people, I started reading about it because I wanted to understand what they were going through.
8:41
And as I read it, I identified with more and more things that I read. More and more things seemed to be oddly like me. And so I met, actually met with the psychologist who had identified, diagnosed the family member. And I said, you know, it's the funniest thing.
9:02
I'm reading this stuff, and I feel like it sounds like me. And I expected her to say, don't be silly. And I said, I wonder if I should have an evaluation. And instead of saying, don't be silly, she said, I think that might be a good idea. And I was really taken aback.
9:20
that this could be the issue, this was in 2022. And I had my evaluation, it took, well actually I think it was in 2021 when I spoke with her and it took a period of time to get all the ducks lined up with insurance and scheduling and all that stuff. But I had the evaluation.
9:41
It was a very good evaluation. It was very extensive. And I was given the diagnosis of autism. And she told me she didn't think I was bipolar at all. And I did have some other comorbidities, such as anxiety and mild depression, which I think anyone, well, I shouldn't say anyone,
10:01
but I think a lot of people who live their whole life as undiagnosed autistics will end up with anxiety and depression. I think it's very, very likely. So I got the diagnosis, and initially I was really excited to have it because I had been telling people for 20 years I didn't think I was bipolar,
10:23
and I had been telling people in particular 19 years, I guess, and I'd been telling people in particular quite, quite often for probably seven years prior to that. that something else was wrong. I kept saying something else is wrong, and one of the reasons I thought that was because of problems I was having with writing.
10:46
I was trying to write full-time at that point, and I considered myself talented as a writer, but yet I was still having these terrible, terrible problems with constructing plots and with staying on a storyline and the actual structuring of the story. And I knew there was a reason for that.
11:10
And I knew it had nothing to do with being bipolar. And that was one of the things that kind of moved me to keep telling people over and over again there's something else wrong. And I'll talk more about autism and how it has affected me in terms of my writing in another episode,
11:29
but that was part of what motivated me. And when I got the diagnosis, I was really excited. It was like, here's a new thing. It was like my new special interest. I'm reading about it. I'm learning about it. I'm talking about it incessantly. And people were not receptive to that at all.
11:46
I think it embarrassed people on my behalf somehow. And I am very, very reactive to any kind of shame or humiliation. So as soon as that happened, most people would just stop talking about it. But I stopped thinking about it. And I stopped reading about it. And I just kind of set it on the back burner.
12:07
Because this is kind of... Kind of a mechanism, a coping mechanism, I guess, on my life when I get negative feedback on something, I would just totally kind of carve it out of my personality or my life. And so I kind of did that. And so two years went by, and I really,
12:31
aside from my initial couple of months of learning about it and thinking about it, I didn't really do anything to process it at all until I ran into trouble with my writing. I didn't really try to understand why autism affected my writing particularly or what I might be able to do about it.
12:51
I just kind of went back to writing, and I completed a manuscript. And when I completed it... I was very happy to have finished something, and as it turned out, that story just basically failed kind of across the board. And that was very difficult for me,
13:08
but it served a purpose because it brought me back to looking again at autism and how it affected me and what that meant. And I don't even know if it's right to say how autism affects you because when you're autistic, that's who you are. You have a neurodivergent brain.
13:27
It's not like something you catch or something that happens to you. There is no you really separate from that. And at any rate my own unique neurobiology and what it meant and why it made it hard to construct the kind of fiction other people were constructing and so I came back to
13:49
that and I started blogging about it a little bit and I started talking about it and I started learning about it and I started to realize how much I had to process I really had to process a lot and I think that the work of doing that is worth sharing.
14:09
So I want to share that as I do this podcast. And I'm really just at the very beginning of it. The only thing I would say I've really... possibly began to process is the idea that I'm a vulnerable person. I am vulnerable. I'm not necessarily to blame completely in a vacuum for every mistake I've ever made.
14:34
I basically never really had anyone to help me. Even though I was involved with the mental health system for 20 years, I never really had anyone who actually helped me. And part of that was my own fault because I masked in a phenomenal way and I never let anyone help me I thought being helped
14:57
was a sign of weakness and I did did everything myself pretty much all my life so I can't necessarily blame blame other people for that although I do I do think that probably the mental health providers I saw had some responsibility to get things right but they didn't
15:19
And now I'm coming to it and I've got a lifetime of regrets and missed opportunities and mistakes and burnt bridges behind me. And it's, it's a lot to wrestle with. It really is. But just that one idea that it's not all my fault and that, I'm not to blame for everything. It's a good starting place.
15:46
So what I'm doing right now is I do see an autism therapist, and she's very good. She's helpful, although I've been seeing her for two years, and I'm just getting to the point where I'm starting to trust her. So there's that, and I'm starting to do free writing every morning, which is helping, and I'm reading memoirs,
16:05
and I'm going to talk about that more next time, what I'm reading and how that helps. And I just like to share it here. So that's why I redid the intro. I don't want to, like, try to set myself up as some kind of expert.
16:21
And I'm glad I did the episode on free writing because I wanted to learn about it. And I'm finding it helpful. And I hope other people are too. But that's not the tone of the podcast I want to have going forward. That's not my plan. So that's it for today.
16:38
I just wanted to share a little bit about what I'm looking at with the podcast. So you could decide as a listener if it's something you want to follow. I hope it is. But either way, I just want to put it out there. So the next show, I'm going to talk a little bit about what I'm reading,
16:58
I think, and how that's helping me, and a couple books I've read recently that I liked. And I guess that's it. So if you liked the episode, please consider following the show. If you think it's something someone you know might be interested in, please do share it.
17:15
And that's it for today, and I hope to see you next time. Until then, this is Barbara Graber of Autistic POV, and I hope to see you soon!
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Please note, this episode includes amazon affiliate links. If you purchase through one of these links, I may receive a small commission at no cost to you.
Theme music by Caffeine Creek
 

An Autistic POV on the Benefits of Freewriting EP 2

An autistic perspective on freewriting and how it can help us improve creativity, explore identity, and even improve physical and emotional health. This episode was a bit of an experiment. While it was fun sharing information, future episodes will be more conversation and based mostly on my personal experience (as opposed to research). I wanted to share the following resources that I used to prep for this episode:
Psychological Benefits of Free Writing.
Therapeutic Journaling PDF
I also referred to Expressive Writing by James W. Pennebaker and John Frank Evans. And Tony Attwood's book The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. Both should be available from your local library or elsewhere via interlibrary loan. 
If you like this content, please follow and / or share!
Episode 2 Transcript:
(If your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can read the full transcript by viewing this episode at AutisticPOV.com.)
0:03
Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver. I am a late diagnosed autistic, and I hope you'll join me as we talk about life, identity, and self-acceptance from an autistic point of view. Today, I wanted to talk about free writing. And free writing is to essentially just start writing and to keep writing.
0:29
And it's a stream of consciousness thing where you jot down whatever comes into your head. And one of the reasons I want to talk about this is because I'm doing it right now. And I've been toying with the idea of writing like an autism memoir for a long time, and it's very hard for me to do.
0:46
So I thought maybe the free writing would help. And I think it is. It's early days, but I think it is. So the main things I wanted to cover about free writing, I have three points I'd like to make about free writing. And I do have references for each of these.
1:01
Those will be in the show notes because this is a short podcast. I'm not going to be taking a real deep dive. So if you want to learn more, I'm going to give you the references that I used and hopefully they would answer
1:13
some of your questions or at least get you started on your own research if this resonates. So the first, the three topics I want to talk about are free writing and increased creativity. Free writing as a way to explore identity and and free writing and the potential for healing.
1:32
And you could do a whole podcast probably on each of these, but I just want to give a little bit of an overview. So increased creativity. There was a study that was published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology on free writing and creativity. I actually couldn't read the study because it was paywalled,
1:51
but I did find a website that talked about it. So that's what I'll be linking to in the description. But the gist of it is that the study showed that people who did free writing had increased innovation and creativity. And this is something that I think a lot of people already know.
2:09
I mean, there's the artist's way, there's various things about journaling and how it helps. But I think a lot of people haven't actually tried it. I mean, we know it'll probably work, but we don't really want to put the time in. And that's understandable. I mean, I kind of feel that way too.
2:26
So one of the things I've done is I've limited it to 20 minutes. I have a timer and I recommend, I love my timer. I have a timer that when you turn it, it's actually, I'm not sure how to describe this, but as you turn it, it's a colored timer.
2:43
It shows a colored wedge of how much time you have left. So every time you look at it, you could see that time going down. And it's very helpful. I find it very helpful. So one of the strategies is to just do a set amount of time. And with free writing,
2:59
a lot of times people think free writing is just writing whatever comes into your head. And it's not necessarily. You can pick a topic. Particularly if you're, and we'll discuss a couple different kinds of topics, but if you're dealing with a creative issue, you could start writing something about that, definitely.
3:18
Or, you know, you could write something unrelated and just see what kind of pops in. And autistic people tend to be very, very creative. But we also tend to have a lot of issues around creativity. And I'm going to talk about that, just that, in another episode. But I think if you're autistic, you're probably creative.
3:39
And if you're autistic and creative, you probably already know this. And we can get in a loop with our creativity. And there are a lot of negative things that could come in, like perfectionism and self-censoring and judging ourselves that can really get us all tangled up. Or at least that's been my experience with writing.
4:02
Been writing all my life, but I've never published anything. I've rarely even showed my writing to people. And so it's not surprising that we have reservations and feel conflicted. And I think that journaling can be a way to recover from this. It's a way that we can kind of regain our center with our creativity.
4:25
And if you've read The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, she was essentially in creative burnout when she started the process. So it helped her, and it's helped a lot of people. But also what I find with journaling, and I also use dreams this way, but just sticking with journaling,
4:44
is that I get ideas when I journal, even when I'm not journaling about my writing or about my work. And this is why with free writing, you can pick any topic or no topic. And whatever you pick, it's very likely that while you're doing it, because you're in kind of a flow state,
5:03
That something will just pop in. It's kind of like the way you get ideas when you're in the shower, except you're writing. So you just write it down. You just add it in. That's what I do. Like I'll be writing about an experience or I'll pick a topic.
5:17
of some kind and all of a sudden an idea pops in and I just include that, put a little asterisk by it and I come back to it. So that is one way and it is a proven way. It's evidence-based way to increase creativity and innovation and you do not have to write about your project.
5:34
You can write about whatever you want and you'll still get that effect. So that's the first one, increased creativity. That's the first benefit. The second one is that free writing can be a way to explore identity. You just write about anything, and it could be experience that pertains to identity, certainly. It could be your special interests.
5:56
A lot of us, we get our identity from our special interests. So this is something we can explore. One of my special interest going all the way back to childhood was vampires. I was always very interested in vampires and gothic fiction. And I could trace this all the way back,
6:13
like I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I could trace this all the way back to the TV show Dark Shadows and the main character Angelique. And there were reasons why At that point in my life, I identified with this.
6:27
And through the free writing, I could see why grade school was very, very hard for me. And there was a reason why a powerful, beautiful, exotic witch like Angelique would appeal to me and why the whole world of Collinwood and stuff was kind of escaped from me.
6:46
So the same thing with books, like along that line, I always like gothic fiction. So this is a way that we shape our identity because oftentimes our special interests kind of become our identity. And this is something that happens with neurotypicals too. Somebody will be like their job, like they're a lawyer. That's who they are.
7:06
For us, it might be we have a certain interest and there's nothing wrong with that. Tony Atwood in his book on Asperger's, which I'll also link to, kind of like an old book, a little out of date, but still he makes some good points, I think.
7:21
And one thing he says about Asperger's, I always want to make that a B, is that identity is an issue. Identity is an issue for autistics. It just is. We don't have that strong sense of central coherence that neurotypicals have. So we spend a lot of our life
7:42
trying to figure out who we are and define who we are and feel secure in who we are. And it can be a really difficult journey. And this is another thing we should do a whole episode on, so I don't want to go too into it. But we can explore this through our writing.
7:58
We can explore what our identity is, how it was shaped, what we want our identity to be. And again, we don't have to necessarily set up. set out to talk about these topics. Like I was writing about an incident that happened to me in grade school, which I'll talk more about in our next point.
8:16
And I got a clear sense of how my identity formed from this. So that could be very helpful. But I think the main thing about free writing and identity is it's learning about who we are and how we became that person. And it can be about who we want to be and changes we want to make.
8:34
But I think it's more lends itself to actually discovering who we are. And we tend to think of ourselves as odd or weird or, you know, and sometimes we need to understand the process. Like, is it weird to be interested in vampires? Not so much now, but when I was younger, definitely. And yet,
8:55
when you see how that happened and why, it just goes a long way to kind of incorporating that and feeling good about it. So I think that's another great example great way that free writing can help us. And the third way is the potential for healing. And this is kind of what I'm doing now.
9:14
I got this book, Expressive Writing by, I think it's James Pennybaker. Again, I'll put a link to this in the show notes. But Pennybaker is an experimental psychologist. So it's kind of interesting he wrote this book because he doesn't work with clients or help people change their lives and stuff.
9:35
And yet he did this experiment that was exactly about that. And what he did is he had people write for 15 minutes, I think it was, I do 20, but 15 minutes on a difficult topic. It doesn't have to be major trauma. Like, I'm not even really sure it should be major trauma, but it could be.
9:54
But it could be something like, for me, like incidents of bullying I kind of focused on. And so you're writing about that for 15 minutes a day, and you might actually feel worse afterwards. But over the long run, he found, and this again is evidence-based study,
10:13
he found that people who did this for even 15 minutes four days in a row on a topic that they considered difficult or traumatic or dark or disturbing or whatever, had actually better health afterwards. These people went to the doctor less. And he did this study with college students.
10:35
So these were people who were really only going to the doctor because they had a cold or flu or respiratory infection. You know, they weren't really going to the doctor to have their blood pressure checked or things like this. So this was a clear measure of their health, and their health actually improved.
10:51
And there have been multiple studies since then that have supported this, that it has a benefit on people's immune system and on their psychological well-being and ultimately on their health. So there's, again, evidence-based reason why this can be helpful for you. And my experience, I had a really,
11:15
really hard time in grade school and in high school in a different way. But in grade school in particular, there was one incident in particular that I never told anyone about. Actually, probably several incidences I've never told anybody about. But this was like a really hurtful thing.
11:34
Like this is one of maybe three incidences, but it affected me. Even like in seventh grade, I remember all of seventh grade as being overcast. And I don't think it really was, but that was my mindset. I was depressed. This really threw me. So I've never told anyone about this. I don't even like to think about it.
11:55
I don't even like to admit that it happened. But I decided that's what I would start. I picked like one of the harder things. It's probably not on the trauma scale, the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me. But for whatever reason, constellation of reasons, it affected me quite a bit.
12:11
So it was essentially bullying, I would say. And I wrote about that. And as I did, I discovered, like I mentioned earlier, like why I got so fixated on Dark Shadows and Angelique and why this I'm still writing vampire fiction today. I still like it. If I find anything with vampires in it, I'll check it out.
12:34
Even if it's crappy, I'll check it out. And I love paranormal fiction. I read all kinds of fiction, but I especially like paranormal. So I understood this and I found this like very, very helpful. It helped me like kind of integrate this. And so to me, that's healing when you integrate something. It's healing.
12:55
So I think that whether I'll be physically healthier because of this, I don't know. But I kind of think if I keep doing it, I will be. I think there's a reason why the study that Pennebaker and others did turn out the way they did. I think this is a very healthy thing to do.
13:12
And I mean, there are cautions, like he even says in the book. And I'll link to the book, Expressive Writing, because... I think it's good to have a guide when you're doing this. Like, I wouldn't say just go ahead and do it. I would say at least read Pennebaker's book.
13:27
But he gives various cautions in it, which I think are good to know. But if it makes you feel really bad or really depressed, obviously you stop. I mean, that's like with any of this stuff, it's going to help maybe most people or the majority of people, but some people it's not going to help at all.
13:44
And some people it's even going to be detrimental. So you definitely want to use your own feelings as a guide to this. It's normal to feel a little bit down like immediately after, but if that sticks, if you don't come back up, if you don't feel like you're integrating things and feeling better,
14:02
then you probably want to avoid it. And again, with me, I started out with a situation that was damaging to me, but not the most traumatic thing I ever, that ever happened to me because I don't feel like I'm really want to go there right now.
14:18
So I would definitely say be cautious with it because it is a powerful tool that can help you with your creativity, And in defining your identity and accepting your identity, a lot of us have a certain identity, but we find it hard to accept because of feedback we get from other people.
14:38
And sometimes understanding how that formed and why helps us see this is kind of a natural thing. I see how this happened. Could be just your nature, certainly. But there could be things that have either made you that person or made you feel conflicted about being that person.
14:56
So identifying this stuff, it really does kind of neutralize it. It helps to neutralize it. So these are my three topics on free writing. There's certainly a lot more to say about free writing, and maybe we could revisit it at some point. I mean, I'm just starting with it.
15:14
But again, the three things are increasing creativity, and this is evidence-based exploring identity. I couldn't really find a study on this, but I know it's helpful for me personally, and the potential for healing. So I will include the resources for this in in the show notes. And I hope that this could be helpful for you.
15:37
Try it, but be aware that it does have the potential to be triggering. So if that happens, back away from it. Talk to somebody if you need to, certainly. But I think for most people it's a good tool. So that's it for today, and I hope to see you next time.
15:52
Please consider following the show if you're interested in this content. And definitely, if you like it and you know someone who might benefit from it or be interested, please, please feel free to share. That's the best thing you could do for anyone who does this stuff is to share their material. But only if you think someone's interested.
16:12
So I will see you guys next time. And until then, this is Barbara Graver. And thank you for listening!
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Theme music by Caffeine Creek
 

Autistic POV Intro, My Autism Diagnosis & Caveats EP 1

A bit about my autism diagnosis and my plans for my podcast, Autistic POV. I hope you'll check back and, if you're able, please consider following the show. This episode includes a few important caveats for the show, including my target audience. I'm planning on airing new episodes about twice a month. I do hope you'll check back!  #autism #late-diagnosis
If you like this content, please follow and / or share!
Episode 1 Transcript:
(If your podcast provider cuts off the transcript, you can read the full transcript by viewing this episode at AutisticPOV.com.)
0:03
Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver. I am a late diagnosed autistic and I hope you'll join me as we talk about life, identity, and self-acceptance from an autistic point of view.
0:18
Hi everybody, this is Barbara Graver and today I'd just like to share a little bit about what I'll be doing on the podcast and what I have planned going forward. And this is kind of hard for me a little bit because it's my first time really talking about autism in public.
0:39
And it's funny because I could talk about a lot of things online and have--personal spiritual experience, my work, my feelings, you know, personal stuff. But I've never really talked about this. So it's new. It's a little bit threatening, but I'm going to go ahead and try it.
0:58
So, part of the reason I think it's a challenge for me is because I wasn't diagnosed until 2022, which means that I've been kind of trying to fit into a world that I could never be totally comfortable with for decades. And it was a lot to process.
1:18
It kind of cast my whole history and experience in a new light. And it took me a while to To sort of get a handle on that, I mean, honestly, I wouldn't say that I have necessarily got a handle on it, but I think I've made progress.
1:36
So I got diagnosed in April of 2022, and now it's two years later, and it just so happened that Some of the issues I've been having lately with my writing kind of peaked and I thought, kind of like Joanna Penn says, maybe I should create the kind of content I need to hear.
1:57
So I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder one. I was diagnosed by psychologists and autism spectrum disorder one is what used to be called Asperger's and to me it's sort of like the walking wounded version of autism people can function in society
2:17
more or less but there's cost to that or at least there has been for me there's been a cost and that cost has actually been pretty high I would say across the board but I do have mixed feelings about honestly about about talking about the challenges of autism. And part of the reason for this, I think,
2:39
is because I've known people, known a couple moms who've had nonverbal autistic children. So sharing that same diagnosis is weird to me. I wish they'd kept Asperger's, honestly, but they didn't. So this is the terminology we have. And I'm going to use it with the understanding that most of the stuff I talk about
2:59
in this podcast is probably going to be pretty autism spectrum disorder one specific, because that's what I know. And even within that demographic, I know there are a lot of differences in the way people process things. So I don't know if what I say is going to make sense to you necessarily, but
3:19
But I think that's always the way. And I think all we can really do is try. So I guess those are my caveats. But for me personally, my initial evaluation for autism was really comprehensive. And there was a lot of cognitive. I received a lot of cognitive information as part of that.
3:42
And I know not everybody can do the evaluation, but I think for anyone who can, it's worth it because a good evaluation will give you a wealth of information about your mind and the way you think. It's not just about checking the autism box. It's about everything else you learn. And, you know,
4:01
one of the things I learned was that there was a cognitive split, which is not uncommon with autism. And I think that's part of the reason why I find constructing novels and staying in my lane genre-wise kind of a challenge. but there's a lot more I want to learn about this and share.
4:20
I don't, this is just the introduction. I don't want to try to go into everything, but, but there are a lot of issues and they're different for different people. Also, there are a lot of really good resources out there and I'd like to share some of them.
4:34
And I think doing the podcast to kind of keep me a little bit on track with that. As far as the format for the show goes, um, Interviews are hard for me. I've been active online for a while. I have a kind of successful blog, mysticreview.com, and I've done a lot of media around that.
4:54
And I can do both sides of interview if I have to, but I do find it stressful. So I'm presently undecided about the interviews. I do definitely want to share information, but this might be in the form of a review or a resource or a topic or aspect of my own experience. But we'll see.
5:16
I'm not closing the door to interviews. I'm just saying that I'm not sure. And it's kind of like to me when I undertook the journey of to understand the psychic dreams and psychic experiences I was having all the way back in 2010. When I chose to undertake that journey, I felt very isolated and very alone.
5:40
And that's when I started the Mystic Review because I wanted to take other people with me. I wanted to share that with other people. And I did. So that's it. That's my intro. So please consider following the show if you're interested in this kind of content and checking back. And I hope to see you next time
6:02
And so until then, this is Barbara Graver, and I hope to catch up with you again soon!
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